Hard Habit to Break
by bsloths
Summary: Emma and Manny have settled into their lives at Smithdale. But their pasts find ways of sneaking up on them, in the form of...boys? Oh yeah. It goes there. Janny/Semma. Twoshot. Semi-AU for Season 8. Flangst.
1. I Wanna Be Sedated

Hey everyone, this is my first attempt at writing Degrassi. It's going to be a twoshot - the first chapter is from Manny's POV, and the second is from Emma's.

Many thanks to TheBucketWoman for the encouragement. *high five*

Enjoy!

--Brandi

Disclaimer: Degrassi belongs to Epitome, Alliance Atlantis, CTV, and The N. Do you see my name on that list? Didn't think so.

**Part 1: I Wanna Be Sedated**

Manny Santos did not sulk over guys. Well, okay, she did. But she tried not to do it in front of other people. That would be completely lame.

When she broke up with Jay Hogart, she spent several days (it was actually more like a few weeks) wallowing. She was pretty miserable for awhile. She kept looking down and expecting to see that breathtaking ring on her finger, and every time she did and it wasn't there, her heart broke a little more.

But then things got better. She was going to prom, graduating high school, going off to an amazing university with her best friend. She would probably be so busy that the idea of a fiancé trailing along behind her was just cuckoo bananas.

She didn't see him at all that summer. She purposefully avoided places she knew he'd be. She barely even went to The Dot, scared she'd walk in on one of Spinner and Jay's epic meaning-of-life conversations that went round and round in circles and never accomplished anything, and yet were endlessly entertaining.

The night before she left for Smithdale, she dreamed about him. He was lying next to her, stroking her hair. She was crying, and he was murmuring softly, some story about the eccentric owner of the car he had been working on that day, and it was making her giggle through her tears.

That was it. Most irrelevant dream ever. But the knot in her stomach that had formed during her last week at home in Toronto was gone when she woke up, and it didn't come back, not even during her first week of classes when she started to feel a little homesick.

She hadn't thought about him in weeks (well, hadn't thought about him _much_, anyway) when she came home for Christmas. But her mom was making a big family dinner, and the relatives that had been at her debut kept asking her what had happened to that nice young man she had been dating. She had actually considered calling him and wishing him a Merry Christmas, but decided against it. No reason to open up old wounds. He had probably found some other girl by now. Or maybe he was in jail. Or not even in Ontario anymore. She didn't care. (Much.)

By the end of January, she was completely settled into her new life. Classes, theater, hanging out, homework, eating bad cafeteria food. She had scoped out the selection of single guys, and decided that instead of accepting any offers, should they come along, she'd hold out for something better.

He hadn't been on her mind at all that semester. That's why it took her several seconds to compose herself when she answered the loud banging on her dorm room door one Thursday morning. Kelly was in class, Liberty was reading, and Emma was busy piling dirty clothes into her laundry basket.

Manny's breath hitched when she opened the door to reveal none other than her former fiancé. But before Jay could say anything, she blurted out, "You have a lot of nerve showing up here, Hogart. What makes you think I want to see you?"

Jay's expression, which had seconds ago been filled with something resembling apprehension, quickly hardened. "What makes youthink I'm here for _you_?"

"What?" Manny glanced back into the room in disbelief at Liberty and Emma, who had stood abruptly when they saw who was standing in the hall.

"Listen, Dimples—"

Manny cringed involuntarily at the nickname, feeling a lump forming in her throat.

"—I need to talk to Emma. It's important."

Emma stepped forward, looking Jay over quizzically. "What's going on?"

Jay shifted his weight from his left foot to his right, and back again, looking inexplicably like he was about to cry. "Can we go somewhere more private?"

Emma must have sensed his uncharacteristic discomfort, but she stood her ground. "Come in and talk to me here. Whatever it is, I'm just going to tell them anyway." She motioned to her friends, only half joking, and Jay managed a weak smile. He stepped into the room, and Manny closed the door behind him.

Just looking at him acting so subdued like this was throwing Manny for a loop. She wasn't sure how she was supposed to act. Every muscle in her body was aching for her to throw her arms around his neck and never let go, but her brain knew better. Jay had started to talk. She tore her eyes away from his face and listened.

"Emma, I have some bad news."

"Are my parents okay?" Emma paled instantly, and Manny and Liberty moved to stand beside her without even blinking an eye. Whatever it was, it wasn't going to be easy to hear.

"It's…" Jay's voice cracked. "It's Sean. He…he was in an explosion. They flew him to a burn center in Nova Scotia."

Emma slumped against Liberty and Manny, who each grabbed an arm and kept her standing. Liberty had clapped a hand over her mouth, and Manny was just trying to keep breathing.

"Mr. Simpson sent me to come get you. He and your mom are there already. We'll both fly out there to see him. Pack enough for few days."

"She has class in an hour," Liberty remarked flatly, and Emma just groaned.

"How bad…" she began, and Jay reached out for her hand and squeezed it.

"He's, well, he's been unconscious since it happened."

"Oh, God." Emma leaned into Liberty and hung her head. Jay dropped her hand and moved to stand in front of Manny. "Help me pack her stuff."

Manny sprang into action, grabbing Emma's suitcase and throwing things into it. Emma stood in the center of the room, still supported by Liberty, who patted her shoulder sympathetically, probably thinking in vain for something to say.

Jay and Manny finished filling up her overnight bag and Jay grabbed Emma's hand again. "Let's go."

Emma finally snapped to attention. "Will one of you email my professors and tell them what's going on? And could you finish my laundry?" She glanced at the forgotten basket, probably wishing it could turn into a time machine. Or possibly Sean himself.

"We have to go," Jay reminded her, tugging on her hand. "Our flight leaves in less than three hours."

Emma told Manny and Liberty goodbye, and they took turns hugging. Jay waved distractedly to both of them, slung Emma's bag over his shoulder, and led her out of the room.

Once the door was closed behind them, Manny stared at Liberty, sure that her friend's wide eyes mirrored her own. Sean wasn't supposed to get hurt. He was in the army. He was saving lives. He wasn't supposed to be fighting for his own.

Liberty stepped forward to give Manny a hug, and Manny let out a ragged sigh. The lump that had formed in her throat was making it hard to swallow, and she knew she would start crying if she didn't compose herself.

"I'll finish the laundry. You want to email her teachers?" Manny asked.

"Sure. I'd better call Kelly, too, and let him know what happened." Liberty headed for the computer.

Manny grabbed the basket and turned towards the door. If she squinted, she could still see Jay's anxiety-ridden form there. But he had barely looked at her. This had not exactly been what she'd imagined their reunion would be like.

Before leaving, she grabbed her mp3 player off her bed. She had a feeling that she'd need something to take her mind off of worrying about Sean while she waited for the clothes to wash.

DTNGDTNGDTNG

Jay and Emma returned Sunday night, clearly exhausted.

Manny heard their voices in the hall and threw open the door before they even had a chance to knock. Kelly and Liberty were in the library, so she had been pacing the length of the dorm, anxiously awaiting some news.

"Well?"

Emma looked like she hadn't slept in days, and she probably hadn't. Jay smiled weakly at her as he removed the hand from her back that had guided her into the room. Emma leaned into Manny, who enveloped her in a hug. Manny's eyes met Jay's.

"Hi. Thank you," was all she could think to say.

Jay shrugged and repositioned his cap, which he was apparently still wearing backwards these days. "Make sure she sleeps," he said, and with that, he was gone.

"Em?" Manny asked into her hair.

"It's horrible, Manny." Emma pulled away and focused on her with bleary eyes. "He's covered in bandages. You can barely see his face. His whole right side is—" She choked on the words and couldn't continue. Manny was surprised that she wasn't crying, but then again, she was probably all cried out.

"Was he awake?" Manny asked gingerly. She dreaded the answer.

"He was slipping in and out. He would grumble and twitch a little, and then go back to sleep." She grabbed her hair in her hands and twirled it absently. "I don't think he knew we were there. Mom, Dad, Jay, and I all took turns talking to him, sitting with him. Jay was making jokes and trying to keep it light, but when it was my turn I could barely say anything. I let him down, Manny."

"No, you didn't." Manny led Emma over to her bed and sat down next to her. "I'm sure if Sean could hear you, he was so happy you were there."

Emma just shook her head. "Snake only got one hotel room, so we would leave after visiting hours and then come back first thing in the morning. I didn't sleep at all."

"I don't blame you, Sweetie," Manny said, patting Emma's thigh. She bit her lip, hating herself for the pang of jealousy she'd felt right then. She tried to word her next question carefully. "You, uh, you all slept in the same room?"

Emma didn't register Manny's accusatory tone. "Dad stayed at the hospital. He's been sleeping in the chair next to Sean's bed. Mom and I slept in one bed, and Jay took the other."

"Oh." Why was she so hung up on this? Sean was in serious trouble, damn it, and all she could think about was her best friend getting to be so close to stupid Jay Hogart. _Get it together, Manuela_, she chided. "Do the doctors…I mean, what do they say?"

Emma took her time answering. Manny refrained from prodding her along, realizing that she was potentially about to get some life-changing information.

"They don't know much. He's breathing on his own, which is good. But they're not sure if they can—" Emma paused to take a deep breath, and Manny rubbed her back soothingly.

"—if they can save his leg. His right leg is practically crushed. And he's got burns all over. They just need to wait and see if his body heals itself, I guess."

"Oh my God." Manny brushed a few tears away from Emma's eyes. "This is so not fair."

"I know," Emma sighed. She leaned back onto the bed and curled up, arms wrapped around her legs.

Manny carefully removed her shoes and pulled the blanket over her. By the time she was finished, Emma was sound asleep.

DTNGDTNGDTNG

The next Friday, Jay arrived at their dorm again to bring Emma to Nova Scotia. This time, Kelly answered the door and introduced himself. Jay looked him up and down and smirked in that Jay way. Manny hadn't realized how much she'd missed it until that moment.

"You girls got yourself a boy toy, eh?" he teased in a high, condescending voice. Emma thumped him on the shoulder with a frown. Manny rolled her eyes.

"Shut up." Emma's expression changed when she saw him smiling. "Good news?"

Jay's eyes twinkled. "I can't say."

"You jerk." Emma grabbed her bag, already packed this time, and grinned at her roommates. "Bye, guys. I have a feeling _this_ trip is going to be a lot better!" She crossed the fingers on both hands.

They left. Manny kicked herself for not saying even a word to Jay. She could have at least said hello. Or goodbye.

"I really hope Emma's right," Liberty said, and Manny just nodded.

DTNGDTNGDTNG

By the time they returned on Sunday, Emma was still in high spirits, and Jay matched them laugh for laugh. They entered the room guffawing about something, and Manny's eyebrows shot up involuntarily. Emma and Jay were being all buddy-buddy, huh? _Ew._

"What's the report?" Manny jumped up off of her bed, and Liberty and Kelly gathered around as well.

"He's awake, and he's talking, and he looks great!" Emma grabbed Manny and spun her. "He's really improving."

"That's amazing!" Manny said, and everyone else chimed in their excitement.

"He's still in for a long recovery, though," Jay said, and Emma shushed him.

"We're not going to think about that now. We have to concentrate on making him _want _to get better," she insisted.

"What do you mean?" Liberty asked.

Jay and Emma exchanged an infuriating 'we have a secret' look that made Manny want to throw something.

"It's just that he's so…" Emma began.

"Disfigured?" Jay supplied callously, and everyone turned to look at him. "What? That's the word for it. The nurse let him see his face in the mirror, and it freaked him out. He got kinda depressed."

Emma picked up the explanation. "He was pretty upset this morning. The doctors think his face will have some scarring, but he should look the same. His right eye is fine, too. But it's not just his face. He's scared he won't be able to walk. Or use his right arm." Emma sighed. "Let's not think about that now, though. Okay?"

Everyone nodded, and Emma relaxed. "Good. I'm going to bed." She began rifling through her suitcase, unpacking from the trip.

Jay cleared his throat. "Hey, Manny," he looked directly at her for the first time, "can we talk?"

Manny's eyes widened. "Sure. Totally." She made a face at Emma, who gave her a look that said "Behave!"

Apparently Emma knew something she didn't.

Manny and Jay walked out of the room and down the hall. Jay was scratching the back of his neck, eyes darting back and forth. Manny was about to put him out of his misery and say…something, anything, but he beat her to it.

"Life's too short, Boo."

"Excuse me?" Manny stopped in her tracks and looked at Jay.

"I miss you. I hate that we don't talk. I want to at least try to be your friend." Jay exhaled forcefully. "Whoa, I think that's enough sharing for now. Wanna go get something to eat?"

Manny glared at him, but Jay stared her down. When they were together one glare would have cowed him into submission. But not today.

"So let me get this straight. You want us to be friends?" Manny leaned back against the wall, arms folded.

Jay shrugged. "Yeah. I mean, look at Sean. A week ago, we thought he might not make it. And now, he's, well, he's on his way to being better. I just think life is too short to have regrets."

"I see what you mean. Why not do anything that pops into your head? Like theft, vandalism, cheating, vicious pranks that get people killed…"

"Manny!" Jay cried, visibly hurt.

Manny was instantly sorry she had brought that up. She knew that Jay had never stopped privately punishing himself for the Degrassi shooting, even though he never, ever talked about it.

"I'm sorry. That was low. I know you're not that guy anymore."

"But I'm still a guy who steals stuff, right?" Jay threw back at her. He huffed in annoyance.

Manny was still trying to make him into something he wasn't. And that was not okay. But she just could not let the ring fiasco go.

"Well…"

"Jesus, Manny." Jay started to walk away. "Never mind."

Manny pushed herself off the wall angrily. "That's it?"

Jay threw up his hands. "What the hell do you want me to say? All I wanted was to try to be your friend, and you can't stop attacking me. So I'm going." He kept walking.

Manny ran up behind him and tugged on his shirt, knowing that if she didn't stop him now, she might never see him again. For real. Thankfully, he turned around.

"I'm sorry," she cried, more desperately than she'd intended. "I'm being a complete bitch, and all you're trying to do is talk to me." She looked him directly in the eye, hoping to show her sincerity. "I don't know if we can be together again. But I do want you in my life."

"Good. 'Cause I want you in my life too." He smiled at her, the smile that only she was allowed to see.

DTNGDTNGDTNG

For the next few weeks, Jay would bring Emma back on Sunday and stay as late as he possibly could. Manny showed him around campus, and they would take long walks, trying to get to a place where they were actually comfortable around each other again.

It wasn't easy, but each time she saw him, Manny would get this aching feeling in her chest that told her she was doing the right thing. She didn't miss him anymore; now she only missed _them_. But that wasn't in her control. Jay hadn't said anything else about their relationship, and Manny wasn't sure she was ready for things between them to change again. They were doing so well where they were.

The first weekend Sean was well enough to move back to Toronto, Jay picked Manny and Emma up at Smithdale and drove them home to see him.

Sean was getting around on crutches. His right arm was still weak, but usable, and the nerves were so damaged in three of his fingers that he had to learn to do some things, like using a pen or grabbing onto something, differently. But his progress was steady. Most of the scars on his face had faded just enough so that they were only slightly noticeable.

He had been staying on Emma's couch bed. He needed everything as easily accessible to him as possible, so staying at Jay's apartment was out. But he kept saying that as soon as he could work again, he'd save up enough to get his own place.

Manny had confided to Emma that she didn't really think he was in _too_ much of a hurry to leave, and Emma agreed. But it's not like anyone at her house wanted him to go any time soon, either.

Emma had been on cloud nine since he got home. She and Sean were getting along great. Manny was so completely jealous she couldn't stand it. But she kept that to herself.

DTNGDTNGDTNG

"I had lunch with Alex last week," Jay said out of the blue. He and Manny were on his couch watching TV one Saturday night towards the end of spring semester.

Manny's chest tightened, but she really needed to get over this jealousy thing. She knew that Emma and Jay were just friends, but now he was seeing ex-girlfriends? Not so cool with Manny. But they weren't together. So all she could say was, "That's nice."

Jay pressed the off button and turned to stare at her. "_That's nice_?"

Manny shrugged. "What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know."

"Then why did you bring it up?"

Manny couldn't be sure, but she thought she saw a slight blush creep into his cheeks. "I just thought we were trying to, you know, communicate better," he explained.

"Why should I care who you go out with?" Manny had no idea why she was lying to him.

Jay stood up and started pacing back and forth in front of the couch. "I didn't 'go out' with her. She came into town and called me, asked if we could meet for lunch to catch up. That's all."

Manny was confused. "So you wanted to make sure to tell me that you had an innocent lunch with your ex, because…" She hoped he would finish her sentence with something she wanted to hear.

Jay sat back down and placed both hands on her shoulders. "This whole thing," he removed one hand and gestured at the space between them, "is about us reconnecting, right?"

Manny knew for certain that _she_ was blushing now. "Well, yeah. But—"

"So I figured if I told you something I wouldn't have the last time we were together, you'd see I'm…maturing." He made a face at the word.

Manny pushed his hands off her shoulders. "We're not together, though," she said quietly.

Jay sniffed and crossed his arms. "You're right. You just spend all your time here instead of visiting your parents because my apartment is…cleaner?" He laughed.

Manny grimaced. "If you don't want me to spend time with you, that's fine. _My parents_ won't complain if I hang out with _them_." She got up to leave, and he tugged on her arm.

"That's not what I meant, Dimples."

She sat back down and met his eyes, taking a deep breath before speaking. "You know I still love you, right?"

Jay's expression softened and he pulled her into a hug. "I love you too," he murmured into her neck.

Manny was the first to pull away. "But what can we do? We might have the same problems we did last time." She felt like crying. She would not be able to take it if they started something and it ended badly _again_.

Jay sighed. "Maybe we will. But hey, we've been hanging out for months, and I haven't committed a single crime." She gave him a dirty look, and he stopped smiling. "And you haven't acted like my mother, either. So I'd say we're ahead of the game so far, don't you think?"

"I don't know. I don't want to get my heart broken again."

"I know you don't." Jay wrapped an arm around her and placed his other hand on top of hers. "I don't, either. But we owe it to ourselves to try again. Having you back as a friend has been great, but it's not enough."

"For me, either," Manny admitted. "And hey," she looked up at him. "Thanks for telling me about Alex. I think."

Jay cleared his throat. "Anything _you'd_ like to share?"

Manny thought for a second. "No. But I do promise to be honest with you, if you promise to do the same."

"Deal." He kissed her forehead, and she snuggled against him.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Jay spoke up, "Hey, you know how I said I wanted to be _more_ than friends?"

Manny sat up and gasped in mock indignation. "Don't tell me you said all that stuff just to get me in bed!"

Jay threw up his hands in defeat. "That was kind of the general purpose, yeah," he admitted with a smile.

Manny just laughed as she moved over into his lap and cradled his face in her hands. "I think something can be arranged."

She didn't let him answer because her lips were already pressed against his.


	2. Burning Heart

Disclaimer: If I owned Degrassi, JT would still be alive, Spaige would be living happily ever after, Ashley would never have existed, and Peter and Riley would be hooking up in the weight room every morning before class. So yeah. Not mine.

**Part 2: Burning Heart **

Emma Nelson was no stranger to doctors and hospitals. Between her eating disorder and that unfortunate bout of gonorrhea, she got to know the medical profession pretty well.

But she never thought she'd be going to visit Sean Cameron at a burn center. The very thought was just unreal. She had been worried sick over the prospect of him going to Afghanistan, but the months of no news being good news had lulled her into a false sense of security.

She glanced over at Jay, who was curled up as comfortably as possible in the tiny airplane seat. She couldn't believe he was asleep. If he was as worried as he looked, his mind should be racing, like hers was. She kept picturing Sean's face and then seeing it consumed by fire. It wasn't pretty. She was freaking out. Jay had put on a brave face for her during the drive to the airport and the flight, but she knew he had to be freaked, too.

But then again, he had known about this since Wednesday night, when Snake came to the garage to tell him what was going on. Emma realized that he probably hadn't slept all that well the night before.

The flight was about three hours, and when they arrived in Halifax, they'd head to the hotel and drop their things. Her parents had only reserved one room to save money. Spike would be meeting them there, and then taking them to the hospital.

It was all a little surreal. Emma couldn't predict how she'd react to seeing Sean. They had been, well, friendly, the last time they'd been together, but things were definitely…awkward…between them. He'd left for Afghanistan and she hadn't heard from him, and now all of a sudden she was about to see him lying in a hospital bed.

"Get some sleep, Greenpeace," Jay mumbled into her ear as he shifted. He carefully pried her hand from the armrest. Her knuckles had turned white from gripping it so hard.

Emma stared at him for a moment. He must have sensed her watching him, because he opened his eyes to meet hers. "What?"

"I'm just really scared, Jay." Emma admitted, and Jay brushed her hair out of her eyes, looking genuinely concerned. A few years ago she would have had a very different reaction to him touching her that way, but now it was more brotherly than sensual. Somewhere in between the ravine and watching him make out with her best friend, she and Jay had formed an uneasy friendship.

"I know you're scared. I kinda am, too." He lowered his gaze. "But we can't let Sean see that. Even if he's sleeping. He'd hear it in our voices. I'm just going to tell him everything I would have said in my next letter."

Emma bit her lip. "You wrote each other?" Her stomach knotted at this surprising piece of information.

Jay shrugged. "Well, yeah. He's still my friend."

"He…he is?"

"Well," Jay smiled ruefully. "We've had our ups and downs, but when I found out he was going overseas, I figured he'd appreciate it if we kept in touch."

"Oh." Emma was officially feeling like the biggest loser on the plane. And she probably was at the moment. "I guess I should have done that," she said quietly. "I think he was writing to Snake, too."

"Yeah." Jay paused, as if unsure he should continue. "Emma, it's okay. I know you two grew apart or whatever. Look, uh, Snake told me to tell you this, but I wasn't sure I should."

Emma leaned in closer. "What? Tell me!"

"Well, okay. Apparently they gave your dad Sean's stuff, and what he was wearing in the explosion was, uh, pretty ruined—"

They both let out shaky breaths, and then Jay continued. "—But they found some picture of you two like, sewn into his shirt."

Emma blinked several times, but couldn't find her voice.

"In his left pocket, um, over his heart…" Jay trailed off.

Emma wiped her suddenly moist eyes and asked, "Which picture, the first or second?"

"What do you mean?"

Emma decided not to go into detail. "How old are we in it?"

"I think your dad said it was from last year."

The new one. The one where she could barely smile while standing next to him, because he was in her house, and they weren't together, and she was with Damien, he was about to go off to war, and things were _weird_. And it was apparently Sean's prized possession.

She was officially the worst person ever.

"I hate myself." Emma hadn't meant to say it aloud, but there it was.

Jay gave her a hard look. "_Emma_. This is just an unbelievably sucky thing that happened. You didn't know it was going to, and you can't change it, so knock it off."

Emma turned away from him. "Thanks, Jay." She meant it.

He patted her knee and curled up to go back to sleep.

DTNGDTNGDTNG

Emma's heart was relentlessly drumming up a storm in her chest. She didn't think it was possible to be this nervous. She grabbed Jay's hand as they made their way through the bright hospital corridors, following Spike to Sean's room. Jay attempted a smile, squeezed her hand, and then dropped it as they reached their destination.

Snake was there to greet them, looking pretty worn out.

"Hey guys." He gave Emma a big hug. "Thanks, Jason," he said to Jay over Emma's head. She pulled away, and Snake gave them some instructions before they went in. "He's still unconscious right now. We can go in and talk to him. The doctors aren't sure if he can hear us, but it can't hurt. Just try to stay positive."

"Do they think he'll wake up soon?" Emma asked, terribly afraid to hear the answer.

"We don't know, Sweetie," Spike chimed in, rubbing Emma's shoulders.

Emma steeled herself. She could be brave. She _had_ to be.

All she could see as she entered the room with the others was a mass of bandages covering a lump on the bed. _That's him_, her brain registered, and she felt like throwing up. As they got closer, she could see part of his face sticking out of the top of the blanket. Bandages covered his right eye and part of his cheek, but his left eye, nose, and mouth were exposed. He was breathing long, slow breaths, and Emma was comforted by the steady beeping of the monitors surrounding the opposite side of the bed. She was tempted to reach out and touch his cheek, just to make sure he was really him. She wondered if he would feel it.

"Can I?" She stuck out an index finger and held it against his cheek. Snake nodded. She gently stroked his warm skin. He still felt like Sean. But this Sean didn't respond to her touch. She withdrew her hand, and backed away to give Jay some room.

"Hey, man." He began talking softly, and Snake led Emma and Spike out of the room.

"Let's give them some privacy," he explained, and Emma took the tissue Spike handed her.

"This doesn't seem real," she shared, and Snake made a sympathetic sound in response. Emma continued, "You've been here since this morning?"

"Yes," he answered. "I called in a substitute for the next full week. I want someone here with him when he wakes up."

For some reason, this made Emma cry harder. She couldn't even begin to imagine what Sean would feel or think when he finally woke up. For all intents and purposes, Snake was his father. And the Simpson-Nelsons were his family. She wondered if Tracker and his parents even knew that he was here. She decided that either answer would be upsetting, so she didn't ask.

Spike spoke up, "Just so you know, Honey, the doctors aren't sure if he'll get the use of his leg or arm back. And he's probably lost vision in his right eye. They don't know until he wakes up and they run some tests."

"Uh-huh." Emma couldn't really say anything else, but Spike understood. She hugged her daughter closer.

DTNGDTNGDTNG

The next week flew by in a blur. She somehow managed to get most of her homework done, and she packed more to bring with her that weekend. Jay was coming to pick her up early Friday morning, and they'd fly out for the weekend.

Spike was back in Toronto with Jack, but Snake hadn't left Sean's side. He still wasn't awake when she talked to her mother on Wednesday. She really didn't think she'd have the courage to sit in that hospital room again unless she heard some good news.

And, magically, there was Jay with that twinkle in his eye and unwavering grin. She was instantly filled with relief. He had definitely heard something that would turn this trip around.

"Come on," she whined, as Jay just kept looking over at her and smirking on the drive to the airport.

"Nope. If Mr. Simpson told me and not you, he obviously wanted it to be a surprise."

"He's awake, isn't he?" It wasn't hard to guess what the good news was, but it was still infuriating that Jay wouldn't spell it out. He was such a jerk sometimes.

"I told you, I can't say."

She sighed in disgust. "Fine."

When they walked into the hospital room, Sean was propped up in a sitting position. He was still covered in bandages, but he was moving his left arm, gesturing to Snake about something. He must have seen them out of the corner of his left eye, because as soon as Emma and Jay entered, he stopped talking abruptly and stared at them, expression unreadable.

Emma didn't let him react. She practically threw herself onto the bed, careful not to disturb his bandages, of course, and kissed him with all her might. She pulled back quickly and met his eyes, unable to speak. It felt so good to see him looking back at her like that. The way he used to look at her, like she was the only girl in the world.

"Em," he breathed.

"Sean." She palmed his exposed cheek.

Jay pushed Emma aside roughly. "Now that you've made me nauseous," he griped, "Can I say hello?"

Sean looked up at him, still a little dazed from the first reunion. "Not in the same way," Jay assured him, and Sean cracked a smile. They exchanged one-arm hugs as best they could.

Emma could hear them talking excitedly as she rushed out of the room. Snake followed her, and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"That was some kiss," he commented, and Emma blushed furiously.

"Dad!"

"Did you _see_ Sean's face?" he grinned.

"It didn't mean anything. It was just the first thing that popped into my head to do." Emma was mentally kicking herself.

"Honey, you heard about the picture, right?"

Emma was embarrassed to meet his eyes, but she did anyway. "Yeah."

"He thinks about you all the time. You mean the world to him. He really needs your friendship right now. Or, you know," Snake grinned, "whatever else you two are at the moment."

Emma sighed. "I don't know what to do. When I saw him awake, all my feelings for him came rushing back."

Snake nodded sympathetically. "You know exactly what you need to do."

"Talk to Sean?"

"I believe the operative word is 'duh,'" he joked.

DTNGDTNGDTNG

Emma got her chance when Jay and Snake headed to the cafeteria for dinner. Emma had grabbed something while Jay and Sean were talking; she was anxious to have some time alone with him.

"Hey," she said, sitting gingerly on the side of his bed. He placed his good arm loosely across her waist, and she stroked it gently with both hands.

"So…" he raised his eyebrow at her.

"Look, I don't know what that was earlier. I'm sorry."

"You're apologizing for kissing me?" he laughed. "Emma, I've dreamed about seeing you again for months. And you thought I'd be upset that you welcome me home that way?"

"I guess my head's a little messed up right now," she said, reaching around to clasp his left hand with her right one.

He looked down at their intertwined hands, and then looked at her in that way that practically gave her goosebumps.

She hated that she was being so apologetic. But she had screwed up. "And I'm really sorry I didn't write you. I haven't been a very good friend."

"It's okay, you were busy. I hear you started university. How's that going?"

"It's fine. Don't change the subject. I did a really terrible thing, and I need you to acknowledge that."

Sean, being Sean, knew just what she needed him to say. "I accept your apology. We're even, because I didn't write you, either."

She thought about that for a second. _Very true_. "So how are you feeling?"

"Surprisingly good. I can't really feel much, because they've got me on a lot of painkillers."

"You're pretty coherent, though."

"Yeah. But I'd better warn you, I could fall asleep at any moment. I was apparently out for over a week, and I still feel like I need a nap."

"I can go if you want." She started to untangle their hands.

"Stay," he insisted.

The desperation in his voice made her settle back down. "I won't leave you," she promised. In fact, she was seriously considering never letting him out of her sight again.

"How's Damien?"

"What?" It took Emma a second to even register the name. "We broke up last spring."

"Oh."

She couldn't read his tone. _What does 'oh' mean?_ "How do you even remember him?"

Sean gave her a funny look. "Em, I remember everything you tell me. And you were dating him the last time I saw you. Of course I'd remember that."

Emma didn't think there were any tears left in her, but apparently there were, because she got a little choked up. "You've never given up on me, have you?" She didn't really mean it as a question.

"I don't know what's going to happen to me. I might not be able to walk. I might be half blind. I could die tomorrow." They both blanched at that, but he continued. "But I will always love you. And if you'll have me…" he swallowed hard, looking terrified, yet hopeful.

She couldn't help but giggle at the mix of emotions written on his face. Did he really think she was going to turn him down after saying _that_?

He frowned. "Not the reaction I was hoping for."

Emma removed his arm from her waist and disengaged their hands. He turned away, probably thinking that she was leaving. Instead, she lay down on her side, on the edge of the bed. He looped his arm around her shoulders so she wouldn't fall, and she rested her left leg on top of his.

"I don't care if you never leave this bed. Like I told you, I'm not going anywhere." She kissed his forehead. "Because I don't think I could take losing you again." She kissed his nose, and then hovered above his lips. She could feel him tense up in anticipation. "And I love you." She kissed him again, and this time, he was ready for it.

They barely heard the nurse bring in his dinner. She just smirked and put the tray down on the table by the bed.

By the time Jay and Snake got back to the room, though, they were both sound asleep, Emma's head resting on Sean's shoulder, his chin on her forehead, and his fingers tangled in her hair.

DTNGDTNGDTNG

On the plane ride home on Sunday, Jay was unusually quiet. Emma didn't think he'd said a word since they'd gotten to the airport.

She knew he was probably thinking about the same thing she was. They were both worrying about Sean. He had gotten the bandages off of his face that morning, and Emma had tried her best not to react negatively. But he looked different. His eye was fine, if a little swollen, thank God, but the rest of his face was missing quite a few layers of skin on the right side. Both Emma and Jay had tried to persuade him not to look, but he asked for a mirror anyway. Emma grasped his hand tightly as he looked into the handheld mirror and let out a groan.

Emma and Jay exchanged a look. It didn't really have anything to do with vanity. They both knew that what would be worse for Sean was the realization that he would have to carry around a constant reminder of what had happened to him.

"It's not that bad, really," Emma told him. He eyed her doubtfully.

"Yeah, we can get you one of those masks, like that opera dude who sang and shit," Jay helped, and Emma rolled her eyes.

"I don't have to hide anything," Sean said firmly.

Jay shrugged apologetically. "I know. I was just kidding."

Sean pushed the mirror away and the nurse who had been holding it left.

When she was gone, he said, "Do you guys mind leaving for a few minutes, too? I think I want to be alone."

Emma dropped his hand and fought the urge to touch his face. The nurse had explained how sensitive his skin would be, and the last thing she wanted to do was impede all the progress he was making.

Jay agreed to leave, and Emma followed him reluctantly. They left Sean alone with his thoughts for a few minutes, and joined Snake in the waiting area. When they returned, Sean was drifting off to sleep. Emma kissed him goodbye and Jay patted his shoulder, and they left to catch their plane.

Sean hadn't talked about the explosion all weekend. Emma really hadn't expected him to. This was something that he would talk about when he was ready, and she'd be there to listen when he was. But right now, he was too busy trying to concentrate on the prospect of adjusting to his new life. One that possibly wouldn't include the use of his right arm or leg, but would definitely include some new scars on his face.

Before they left, they had reassured him that he looked fine, even though neither of them believed it.

The reality was that he was very, very lucky to have minimal damage. His arm, torso, and leg were still bandaged, but they probably looked about the same as his face. And he wouldn't need any reconstructive surgery. The doctor told them that he had been far enough away from the blast to be protected from the full force of it.

Awhile into the flight, Emma nudged Jay. "Well? Aren't you going to say anything?"

He raised his eyebrows questioningly. "About what?"

"You're infuriating sometimes, you know that?" Emma crossed her arms and made a disapproving sound.

"Oh, because I don't feel like talking about how Sean's face looks like crap, that makes me infuriating?" Jay shot back.

"It's not that bad!" Emma cried.

Jay looked down. "Nah, it's not _that_ bad. But it was a shock, okay? He was always better looking than me, and now…"

Emma turned her laugh into a cough.

"You can't tell anyone I said that," Jay added quickly.

Emma looked at him, sadness in her eyes. "I won't. It was horrible for me, too. But he'll look better with time."

"Yeah."

They passed a few more minutes in silence, but Emma couldn't stand it anymore. She was dying to give her friends at Smithdale the good news that Sean was awake, but all she had was Jay for another two hours.

"When you talked to him alone, did he say anything about us?"

Jay harrumphed and refused to answer.

"Oh, come on, I'm bored!" she pouted. "Talk to me."

"Don't get whiney," he warned, and she closed her mouth to stop the next batch of pleading. Jay relented. "Fine. He talked my ear off about how excited he was that you're going to give him another chance, and how this time he's going to marry you and you'll have dozens of little Nelson-Cameron babies. Okay?"

"That's _not_ what he said!"

Jay punched her playfully on the arm. "But that's what he was thinking."

"Seriously, tell me."

"Seriously, he really hopes that things will work out between you this time. And some other goopy stuff that I tuned out."

Emma smiled, ignoring his last comment. "I hope that too." She paused, letting him get comfortable with the silence again. Then she dropped the bomb. "Hey…what about you and Manny?"

Jay eyed her suspiciously. "What about me and Manny?"

Emma couldn't believe she was about to suggest this, but she would be a horrible friend if she didn't at least try. She knew how happy they had made each other, once upon a time. And she was done with being a horrible friend. To anyone.

"You know, don't you think you should at least talk to her?"

"In case you missed it, my engagement to Manny pretty much imploded like a year ago."

"But I know you miss her. I can tell."

"Whatever."

"_Jay_," she chided, "listen to me. I really think you'll regret it if you don't try. What if you're walking away from the best thing that ever happened to you? I hate to admit it, but you two were perfect for each other."

Jay smiled in spite of himself. "Yeah, we kinda were, weren't we? For awhile, anyway."

"It might take some work, but I really think you can be together again. Please try."

"Why do you care so much, Greenpeace?"

Emma rolled her eyes. "Because Manny's my friend, and I know how much she misses you."

"She does, huh?" Jay replied, way too cocky for his own good.

"But if you wait much longer, she might actually find someone who's not so out of her league," she stressed, only half joking.

"Well, we can't have _that_," he replied with a worried frown. "I'll talk to her when we get back."

DTNGDTNGDTNG

Of all the times Sean had been in her house, Emma didn't think she was as happy to see him sitting at her kitchen table as she was that day. He was finally out of the hospital, finally home for good.

Manny and Jay had been there when they arrived, with a cake and presents. It was the perfect homecoming.

After the festivities ended, and Jay had taken Manny home, Spike and Snake set up the couch bed for Sean. They insisted over and over again that it was no trouble, but it was obvious he still felt like a nuisance.

Emma lay next to him for a little while, after her parents and Jack had gone upstairs.

"We're happy to have you here, you know," Emma reminded him.

"Thanks. I just hate that I can't do anything—"

"Will you stop? It's fine. Once you're off the crutches, I promise to make you do a bunch of housework, okay?"

They exchanged a smile. Emma gently slid her hand along his scarred cheek. He winced.

"Did I hurt you?" She pulled back.

"No, no. It's…I know it feels weird."

"Not really." She kissed his cheek to prove it. Carefully lifting up his shirt, she ran her hand along his right side. He was barely scarred there. If she closed her eyes and didn't see the damage, he felt basically the same.

"Um, Emma?" Sean looked like he felt badly for interrupting her explorations. "This must be fascinating for you and everything, but…"

"Sorry." She pulled his shirt back down and grinned sheepishly.

Sean wrapped both arms tightly around her and rolled her on top of him. "I know your parents are upstairs, and my new bedroom doesn't have a door, but there must be _something_ more interesting to do than memorizing my scars."

"Hmm." Emma pretended to think. "How to take Sean's mind off of his body?" She slipped her shirt down off her shoulder and winked. "Make him think about someone else's."

Sean looked like he wholeheartedly agreed with that plan.


End file.
